


Empty Recordings

by Mersayde



Series: Ghastly Antiques [5]
Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied Death, Monologue, Voicemails, sad lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersayde/pseuds/Mersayde
Summary: Letting go is a process, sometimes it has to be forced.Written: 8/27/16





	Empty Recordings

**Beep:** "Hello, it's me. And don't you dare sing that overplayed song. You don't have the range to pull it off."

 **Beep:** "Hey, me again. I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. I'm sorry."

 **Beep:** "It just seems like my grief can't hold itself anymore. I'm drowning and that's _your_ fault."

 **Beep:** "No it's not, I'm sorry, it's not."

 **Beep:** "You always had a way with words I never had. You would sit and tell me how you had the power to write the world as care free and as bright as you wanted to. I never really understood that, but, right now, I could use that."

 **Beep:** "People say you can't truly appreciate something until it's gone. And I get it, I hadn't realized how much of me you occupied until you left."

 **Beep:** "Can you come back to me? Your mom is crying again. I know I was always the one good with handling others tears, but I can't anymore, not when they're being shed for you."

 **Beep:** "You always said that I would hurt someday, that all my blocked off emotions would come and bite me in the ass, but god, not like this. Anything but _this_."

 **Beep:** "Your best friend saw me earlier, asked me if I was ok. I told them yes, because I had to. I know they're hurting too, I know, ok? I should talk to them, but I'm falling apart, Jay. From the inside out. I can't sleep without seeing your face, I can't eat without remembering how I would smack your wondering hands from my plate. Jay... I'm sorry."

 **Beep:** "It's ok, it's ok. I'm trying to tell myself that now. Hopefully if I say it enough I'll believe it. This is so cliche. In the stories you write, would I get a pass? You know, considering we're not straight? Yeah I didn't think so either. I love you."

 **Beep:** "I used to just call you to hear your voice on the answering machine: _'It's me, Jay. Uhm, I guess this is the part where you say something.'_ I thought it was so stupid at the time, and told you over and over again to change it, but you thought it was funny. I like it now, more so need it. It's perfect. Don't ever change it."

 **Beep:** "My therapist asked me what I would do once the mailbox became full... I didn't have an answer. You were very meticulous about this sort of thing, never let it get too crowded. But I guess I have to get used to not being used to it. I'm— ..." 

**Beep:** "We should've saw it coming, your disease. How it plagued you. How it destroyed you. But we didn't. More importantly, _I didn't._ I claimed I loved you. How could I sleep next to you and not know? I love you, I really do. I'm sorry."

 **Beep:** "Jay, I can't stop crying. Jay please... I don't know how to stop it. It's slipping. My sanity. Oh gosh, I think I'm becoming one of the sad characters in your novels. You know- the ones. Fuck, I can't keep crying like this."

 **Beep:** "You used to paint my life with so much color, and I can still see you dancing to your favorite song in your pjs. And how you would curse any inanimate object out when you came across writers block. Or how your lips would always twitch before you laughed like it was the only thing you knew. Can this count as poetry? Because I remember when you said poetry was a beautiful thing, but also sad."

 **Beep:** "I miss your hands, how they fit in mine. How soft and rough they could be. I miss how they used to cover my eyes when I was supposed to be surprised. You suck at surprises by the way. And the one surprise that actually managed to be a surprise, left me in shambles."

 **Beep:** "Jay, ha... I remember that one time you got _really_ angry. I'd never seen you like that before. Some jerk spat at us at a pride and you lost it, gave them every piece of your mind and then some. Do you remember? That was a good day, I think- I think I fell in love with you that day."

 **Beep:** "I remember when I asked you to exercise with me and you laughed so hard you snorted. _Twice._ But you still said yes. Said if you went into cardiac arrest I would have to save you. But you didn't have a heart attack. Maybe not that day, but much later in our story together, and maybe not a heart attack, but close enough, and maybe I didn't save you. Maybe I couldn't."

 **Beep:** "... Remember the day when we first kissed? You pulled me aside into an alley and just... did it. You said you were nervous, we both looked like fumbling idiots. It was funny to me, but one of my favorite memories. Now I replay it in my head and remember how dirty that alley was, how dangerous it was and how pathetic it is for our first kiss to be there. But no matter what, your smile afterwards is just as bright and your eyes just as big. And from that day on I knew I couldn't let you go."

 **Beep:** "Why didn't you tell me you were living in the shadows? _Why?!_ I could've helped you! I would've went to your appointments with you, reminded you to take your medicine-- I would've- Fuck!-- I would've held your hands through your darkest nights! _I would've been there._ Why couldn't you just let me be there. Like you were for me. You told me you loved me, told me I made your sun smile. Fuck, Jay. I'm so fucking sad. My sun isn't smiling. It feels like it'll never smile again."

 **Beep:** "You were my happiness. You will always be my happiness and-- and _I'm so sorry._ I love you."

 **Beep:** "I think—I think these messages are helping. Slowly, but surely. I love you. I'm sorry I never got to say these words to you when you were within reach."

 

**Beep: "Mailbox full."**

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the sad lesbian :(
> 
> comments?kudos?fave parts?


End file.
